The Ring Master
Step Right Up to perform stunts amidst the controlled chaos of this three-ring town’s clowns.
The sights, sounds and history will marvel your eyes and delight your ears.
The spectacular Duck tour is about to begin.
Come one — Come all!
I am Bartholomew Dartmouth Exeter Fairfield Gloucester the 3rd… But if you can’t remember Bartholomew Dartmouth Exeter Fairfield Gloucester the 3rd… you can just call me Bubbles. I’m a former Boston Brahmin. My family invented soap bubbles and made our fortune in the bubble trade. Unfortunately, someone obtained our formula, and everyone started making their own bubbles. Luckily bubbles were trending up, and there was enough profit to go around. However, the bubble… bubble burst, and my family lost everything. I had no choice but to join the working class.
My name is Art Ducko, a rather inept and clueless architect who believes he is a genius and a trend-setter in the world of architecture, despite the fact that every building I have ever designed collapses to the ground. With a name like Art Ducko, I am a devotee of the architectural style of Art Deco which can be found throughout Boston’s Back Bay!
Chef Wolfgang DUCK
Chef Wolfgang Duck is the world’s worst Celebrity Chefs. He was kicked out of Culinary School on his first day for burning ice. Recently he has been named the number one chef to watch by the Boston Fire Department. The only recipe he has mastered is the recipe for a great Boston Duck Tour.
Doctor Quack inherited his Doctoringness skills from a long line of family Quack Doctors and has been treating thousands of patients in his luxury SUV located at the corner of Park Street and Beacon Street in Boston MA. Not long ago he walked to work and found that his luxury FORD SUV had been towed away due to hundreds of unpaid parking tickets. He turned around and saw a Boston Duck tour driving by… He hopped on and the next operation is all History!”
Dr. Benjamin Avery Weare
I am the world-famous Boston Explorer Dr. Benjamin Avery Weare.
My friends you may call me Ben… Ben Avery Weare.
and I have “Been… Everywhere”
I would like to thank you for joining me today on this very historic expedition.
Welcome aboard. We will be exploring Boston both by land and sea aboard the perfect vehicle to do so, the DUKW.
Duck Tracy’s once thriving detective concern became a thing of the past when a rival detective agency came into town and started giving people answers for free. It’s name…The Internet. With a keen eye on staying one step ahead of the competition, Tracy began to pound the pavement to sniff out his new rival. But searching the streets of Boston yielded clues of a different sort. Tracy began to develop a hunch that Boston might be one of the greatest cities in the world. So, he hopped aboard a Duck to share the clues he found and present to you his case.
Peprika Double Q
Allow me to introduce myself, I’m Peprika Double Q and the Double Q stands for Double Quack Quack, can you dig it!!
I’m one of the founding members of Salt, Pepa and Peprika! But Spindarella had beef and she said… Peprika has to much flavor for Salt & Pepa. So I left.
So, I joined the Spice Girls! But Posh spice said to me in her London accent… Oy Peprika’s too Spicy for the Spice Girls. So I left.
Then I joined Destiny’s Child, but they started treating me like Destiny’s Step Child and soon I became Destiny’s Orphan….
Anyway, sooooo I’m walking around Boston and I hear that this group called BDT is looking for someone to lead a tour. WHHHHHHAAATTT, It’s about time I headline my own world tour. Well, I thought BDT was like the next TLC.
It’s all good though because now I’m Boston Duck Tour’s New Edition!!!
Bobby Oar grew up watching hockey, and so one day he went out to the frozen Charles River to learn to skate just like the pros. When he got stranded on a springtime ice floe, he was rescued by a passing crew team– and found the sport that made him a local hero! So tape up your paddle and enjoy your tour with with your host: Number 4, Bobby Oar!
Choo Choo Charlie
Choo Choo Charlie made a huge splash in Boston trying to show off his amphibious train. Once he realized that that idea didn’t float, his career as an Engineer ran out of steam. Choo Choo quickly decided to trade train tracks for duck quacks before he was ridden out of town on a rail!
Captain Cabbie hails from a long line of Taxi drivers, but when it came to handling his own hack, Cabbie didn’t fare so well. Since he’s always been better at talking about sights than driving to them, he is thrilled to join the family at Boston Duck Tours and leave his checkered past.
Arthur Fiddler is a musician – a WICKED BAD musician. After his recent (unsolicited) audition at Symphony Hall, the conversation crescendoed into a cacophony that resulted in him being thrown out onto his fermata. As he left Symphony Hall, dejected he came upon a sign and one of our duck stops that said “ConDUCKtors Wanted”. Upon seeing the sign he thought “Of course, if you can’t play – conduct!” Arthur has been conducting sightseeing symphonies of beautiful Boston ever since…
Robin the Riveter
The year was 1942, America was getting into WWII. There was a huge need for woman to join the work force. Women were needed to build the military vehicles and weapons for the war.
Robin’s dad was a metal worker so it made sense for her to go to work at The Charlestown Navy Yard. With only 2 weeks of training Robin became a Riveter.
When the war was over Robin liked working on the DUKW’S so much she decided to stick around, and give tours around Boston.
She can often be seen cruising the streets
of Boston chanting “We Can Do It.”
Duck Holliday is the great, great grandson of the famous card shark and O.K. Corral Lawman Doc Holliday. Sharing Doc’s belief that gambling is a losing and dishonorable game, our own Duck Holliday has learned to make an honest living through the noble game of poker. Oh, and also as a tour guide in the beautiful city of Boston. In his years as a card shark, Duck has learned when to hold ‘em, when to molt ‘em, when to waddle away, and when to “Quack”!
I am Madame Salada the Grand Tea Leaf Reader. My great great great grandmother envisioned me working for the Boston Duck Tours. I didn’t see it at the time. I tried my hand in the family business and I was terrible-it was not in the cards! So I tried a number of different jobs. I folded clothes at the laundromat, it was a wash! I became a perfume spritzer at the local department store and stunk at it…As I left the store in a cloud of fury and Dior perfume I picked up the ads and saw an audition for the Boston Duck Tours. I remembered my great great great grandmother’s premonition! I told the owner I envisioned him hiring a tall brunette with a crystal ball to which he replied you are not a fortune teller or a sorcerer you are just a quack! So here I am. Allow Madame Salada and the city of Boston to put a spell on you.
Captain Run A Muck
Who needs a sense of direction when you have a sense of adventure?! Never one to stick to the beaten path, Captain Run A Muck explores the winding streets of Boston regaling his crew with the exciting stories of our revolutionary past. If you like to meander, you’re really in luck- Join Run A Muck on our colorful duck!
Hailey got lost while driving her Zamboni through the Big Dig, but Boston’s a great hockey town so she decided to stick around! Now she goes in circles around the city instead of the rink while she waits for the Charles to freeze hard enough for skating
“Harvey Heartbreak” is the youngest child of 18 brothers and sisters from South Boston, Massachusetts. A family with a love of history and hand me downs, Harvey got his start in distance running while having to outrun all of this older siblings. One day, he ended up running to Hopkinton, MA – start of the Boston Marathon. He ran all the back to Boston. When Harvey is not running around Boston he is giving a marathon tour of Boston history for the
Boston Duck Tours!
Lenient Louie the Plunderless Privateer
What is the difference between a pirate and a privateer?
As you know pirates are thieves. Rough tough and sometimes down-right nasty. I wasn’t a thief nor could I be nasty. I just wanted to plunder enemy ships in search of treasure to help finance the American Revolution. Big mistake.
This is Betty…just Betty. She came to Boston Duck Tours after tough loss at the international Scrabble tournament. Betty needed some cheering up, and decided to hop on a Duck Tour. She realized she had a knack for history rather than spelling words and decided to stick around for a while!
Professor von Trivia
Professor Vaughn Von Trivia (“Von Von” to his friends) is the Chairman of the Department of Trivial Studies at the University of Glockenspiel. He is a direct descendant of the Von Quacksburg dynasty, which lost the Empire to the Hapsburgs (in a trivia contest!) some centuries ago. He is now on sabbatical here in Boston, giving tours and promoting his most important work “The Pursuit of Trivial Significance” (which has sold dozens of copies).
Max Marshall Arch
Max Marshall Arch is a mixed up mixed martial artist. He has trained in Jiu Jitsu, Krav Maga, Karate, Kung Fu, Muay Thai, Tae Kwon Do, Tieing a bow tie, Kickboxing, Boxing and Box kicking. He’s not particularly good at any of them. He’s never even thrown a punch. All he can do…is duck. So he’s hung up his boots and picked up a microphone as the undisputed featherweight champion of history.
Scott’s family has been running a land and water milk delivery service for over 30 generations. Expect a nutritious amount of information and CHEESY jokes to keep you entertained for the WHOLE tour.
Jam Adams plays drums for a local band called “The Jam Adams Experience.” He is a descendant of Boston Revolutionary Sam Adams. Even though his lineage is important, he is best known for a performance at Brandeis in 1996 where he played a drum solo for a small audience that was both “heard” and “felt” using nothing but the power of brain waves. It was a Revolutionary feat that defied science, and Jam was only twelve years old at the time. He has attempted to repeat this miracle on countless occasions to no avail. Upon the recommendation of a qualified therapist, Jam Adams took up a new pastime- Boston history. He studied like a Buddhist. Within a matter of months, he could string together a coherent narrative of Boston’s history and architecture, and that’s when Boston Duck Tours welcomed him to the team.
Justine Tyme is a time traveler from the future. She can’t tell you exactly when—that might produce a significant effect on the course of history, and would go against International Time Traveler’s Law. As a professional time traveler, Justine visits the past to obtain small everyday item artifacts for museums and writes first person accounts on historic eras and events. Unfortunately, her most recent trip was a little too taxing on her time machine and it broke. To fix it, Justine has enlisted the help of Boston Duck Tours and their quack team of scientists lead by Professor Quackenstein. As payment, until it’s fixed she’s giving history tours!
My name is M.T. Buckets, the worst fisherman in Boston. I come from a long line of bad fisherman dating back to 1630. An ancestor of mine, came to Boston to fish. His name was Chum Buckets. He never caught a fish either. Chum Buckets had a son named Rusty Buckets. He was also was a bad fisherman. He quit fishing, went to Harvard Medical School, and became a Sturgeon. Fish On! “Quack, Quack”
Hitting the airwaves five times a day from the mobile studio of DUKW,
Dr. Fabulous will count down all the greatest hits of Boston’s storied
past. From the British occupation of the 1760s to the British
invasion of the 1960s, Doctor Fabulous keeps Boston’s present and past
alive and rocking while his duck is rolling.
Worcester T. Filibuster
Worcester T. Filibuster is a lifelong politician…who has yet to win an election. From the first Royal Governor of Massachusetts Bay to our current politicians of modern day, Worcester T. Filibuster has never met a candidate he couldn’t lose to– but he won’t be deterred! Eager to be a part of Boston’s bustling political scene, Mr. Filibuster will lead you along the campaign trail in the beautiful streets of Boston while pointing out the sites and quacking at potential voters along the way. Whether or not he earns your vote, you’re sure to have fun riding in his boat!
Sarah B. Goodwitch
Hailing from a long line of witches in Salem, Massachusetts, Sarah B. Goodwitch finally got tired of hanging around in such a small town. Sarah and her coven packed up their brooms and swept down to Boston for a spell. Joined by her Fowl-line Friend (a half-cat-half-duck named Abracadabra), it is this Goodwitch’s pleasure to make our guests wicked familiar with our fair city!
Captain WeirdBeard had a wonderful life roaming the seas with his uncle, the famed pirate Blackbeard. But while the pirates thrived with sails unfurled, the buccaneers always wore their hair uncurled- so WeirdBeard jumped ship for a new life in the fashionable salon scene of Boston’s Newbury Street. With giant scissors in his scabbard and a giant feather in his cap, Captain WeirdBeard sails the streets of Boston showing off the world of yesteryear while sculpting the coiffures of tomorrow…
From tricycles to monster trucks, The Wheelman has never won a race. His passion for motor sports led him to Boston, home of the nation’s very first license plates and automobiles. Unfortunately he suffers from tachophobia (fear of speed) and in his constant position of last place, he got to looking around at the scenery and learned all about Boston’s sites! His driver helps keep his tour to 80-minutes as if he were in charge it would be a three hour tour! The job is perfect for him as it has less “tach” and more “quack”.
Old QuackDonald – a.k.a – ‘Very Old’ QuackDonald. I’m a Potato farmer from the State of Maine. I’ve been known not to be your average tour guide, but a great common-tater. My Favorite quote: “I think” said the sweet potato, ”therefore I yam”.
Almost Educated Aaron
Almost Educated Aaron loves school so much he has attended most of them, 359 to be exact. Yet he never obtained a single college credit, and has 11 million 4 hundred and 88 thousand dollars of student loans. Thankfully the only class he ever passed was the Boston Duck Tour history class. Come see what he learned on his Boston Duck Tour!
Skipper the Skydiver
This avid skydiver and stuntman had planned to land on the top of the Prudential Building, but was blown off course and over the Charles River. That’s where he landed on the roof of a Boston Duck Tours amphibious vehicle, causing considerable damage. Skipper has agreed to work for Boston Duck Tours until he can pay for repairs. This skydiving mishap occurred earlier today, but he’s ready to give his first Boston duck boat tour. You will be amazed at how much he has learned about Boston is just a couple of hours.
When world-renowned and extremely handsome dinner theater actor, Drake Mallard, ended up in the Charles River, after an incident on his friend’s yacht, he had to swim for land. Exhausted, he crawled ashore on one of the Finger Islands. Luckily, a Boston Duck Tours ConDUCKtor spotted him “washed up,” and gave him a ride back to the dock. When he learned that 600,000 people take Boston Duck Tours each year, he realized this might be the perfect stage for him. He contacted BDT, and accepted a supporting role, with the City of Boston as the star of his show.
Jigsaw traveled the world assembling a 3-dimensional, full size puzzle of the earth! Near the end he realized what many had suspected – that he was one piece short of a full puzzle… and that piece was Boston. (Bit of an odd DUCK. While some hunger for world peace, he dreams of world pieces.) So come and help him search water & land of this wonderful city as he completes the big picture. “Putting the ‘Shapes’ back in Shipshape” – Jigsaw
Plucky Ruffles comes from a long, proud line of cruise ship entertainers. While most people who have seen Plucky perform wonder why he ever got into showbiz, Plucky claims that nautical entertainment is his destiny. “The first of the Ruffles clan to settle in the new world was an uncle of mine who had a gig as the lounge act on the Mayflower,” boasts Plucky. “His name was Samuel ‘Silly Sammy’ Ruffles, and he killed, literally. See, the Puritans thought his act was so bad, they threw fruit at Sammy to make him stop,” Plucky explains. “But hey – I guess the joke was all on them when they got scurvy! Zing!” But seriously, folks… Plucky Ruffles is thrilled to have found a home with Boston Duck Tours and looks forward to entertaining guests of all ages while driving a WWII amphibious vehicle that is newer than his jokes.
Frim ‘DucKarma’ Jolly: Boston’s Good Time Guru
Frim Jolly is a semi-mystical man from the East (actually the Northeastern United States). He has a mastery of celebratory endeavors and a deep, spiritual oneness with Boston. His path is to share his embarrassing wealth of knowledge in the Field of Fun with others. His Animal Spirit Guide, a duck, led him to Boston Duck Tours. Here Frim embraces the philosophy that life is not a destination: It is a journey through the streets and history of Boston ending in a truly enlightening splash in the Charles River. Share in Frim’s fulfillment of his calling by joining him for his 80-minute-long strange trips. “The Duck Walks and Stands Tall” – Bill Walton
Jason the Argonaut
Jason led the greatest crew of sailors on an epic quest to find the Golden Fleece to exchange for the King’s daughter’s hand in marriage. Upon his return, she no longer wanted to marry him. Heartbroken, he set sail but was injured during a violent storm at sea. He awoke 3000 years later in the Athens of America, on the banks of the Charles River. Here is where he saw his first DUKW, which closely resembled his ancient galleon (two rowers side by side, on each side of the duck). Boston Duck Tours agreed to sponsor his next adventure if he got a crew willing to go along with him. He is interviewing crew presently while giving tours.
Eddie Airtime is the lead singer of the preeminent Freudian Glockenspiel Hair Metal band, “The Evil Gazebos. The band is on hiatus and taking a break from the North American leg of their tour, so Eddie is doing a cross-promotional series of events for BDT. Frankly, the band is broke–it was a poor choice to release the third album on 8-Track.
Danny Disco spent the last 35 years on the west coast. When he came back to Boston to visit family he discovered Disco had disappeared from the area. Danny knew at that moment he had to open a new Disco Club in the city of Boston. Danny disco watched as the Boston Duck Tours machines rolled by and realized this would be a great way to see where the new hot spots in the city were today.
Hi folks, my name is Captain Mack. Got the nickname Mack from driving an 18 wheeler around the city of Boston for 27 years. One day, I’m delivering some cases in Cambridge, near where the Ducks enter the Charles River, and I thought “how cool is that?!” so I retired my delivery boots and put on my Duck boots! Now, for the last 10 years with Boston Duck Tours, I happily get to splash into the river and talk about my beautiful city all day- best decision I ever made!
Ace Bandage was the 19,500th round draft pick of the New England Patriots. Sidelined this season after being hit by a falling Gatorade bucket, Ace is currently recuperating with us at Boston Duck Tours. Help Ace get back into shape for the big game as he takes you on an adventure through Boston.
Vincent Van Duck
Artist of pirates and thieves…which is why you’ve probably never heard of Vincent Van Duck. Vincent answered an ad to paint ducks, figuring he’d make a couple of bucks. Little did he know they were actually DUKWs and he thought he was just plain out of luck. But with little money in his pants, he decided to give it half a chance. So, here he is, giving tours on a DUCK, with more than just a little luck- he is, after all, Vincent Van Duck! See you on deck! Quack! Quack!
Guido the Gondolier is from Venice, Italy. A few years ago his Mama And Papa moved to the North End of Boston. Because of his severe weight loss, from not having Mama;s spaghetti and meatballs. He moved here so he could have Sunday dinner again with them ,and return to his Boyish figure He came to work with us so he help pay for the massive food bill!
Captain Super Swift
Captain Super Swift was a superhero who busted into the Boston superhero scene in the early ’90s, using his super speed to catch criminals. After receiving contracts with all of the big fast food restaurants and getting all the free food he wanted, he began to gain some weight which hindered his speed. One day while he was trying to catch a raucous jet skier in the Charles River and could not catch up with him, ConDUCKtor Duck Pin rescued him from the river. Boston Duck Tours offered Super Swift a job as a ConDUCKtor in his own right until he loses some weight and regains his super speed.
There is nothing more fun than your own Boston Duck Tours championship-rolling rally. This ride is just too much fun to do with only the players. Ride along with Boston’s number one sports fan through the very same streets that our championship teams have done. Super Fan’s love for his hometown sports is second to that of only his love for his city and showing visitors from near and far all about our winning ways since 1776. Raising championship banners in this city started on Bunker Hill, and this Super Fan is just the guy to show you where it all happened!
Professor Quackenstein is an academic, scholar, historian and mad scientist. When not giving tours he serves as lead investigator at Boston Duck Tours laboratories where he conducts important research in the fields of time travel, alchemy and discount brain surgery.
MacInQuack’ s Scottish ancestors invented the game of golf and his parents were great golfers. MacInQuack just had to play golf. Unfortunately he was a horrible driver. One time he drove the ball into a tree, it bounced back and hit him in the head knocking him unconscious. When he finally woke up in the hospital his parents told him he better learn how to Drive the ball and to Duck! When MacInQuack finally came to his senses (this is questionable) he thought they said he better learn how to DRIVE a DUCK! So here he is loving beautiful Boston driving for Boston Duck Tours!
Dirty Waters comes from a long line of blues musicians. He’s looking to start a new band – and he wants YOU to be a part of it! Come join his Duck Tours Rhythm & Blues Revue Band and learn all about the ROCKING city of Boston!
Sgt. Meatball’s, commanding officer, Commander Swampscott seems to believe that Sgt. Meatball and his band of marauders are not fit for military life (one good look and you’ll see why). With this in mind, Sgt. Meatball’s commanding officer has re-assigned Meatball and his platoon to a small island outpost in the middle of Pineapple Bay, called Coconut Island. While on the island, Meatball and the marauders train for amphibious landings while raiding luaus.
Captain Hardly Davidson rides a scooter instead of a Harley. What is he doing here at Boston Duck Tours you ask? He’s hiding from a local scooter gang that he used to be a member of. The gang did way too many bake sales so he had to bounce. They haven’t found him yet, and that’s the way he’d like to keep it.
Captain Foghorn belonged to an elite branch of the military… The US Navy Cavalry! This military unit had much promise but suffered from a terrible and unfortunate experiment. The experiment involved armor plating the horses used by the US Navy Cavalry, which affected the buoyancy of the horses. This is why Captain Foghorn has been transferred to Boston Duck Tours!
The Great Garabaldi
Prior to working at Boston Duck Tours, the Great Garabaldi was a professional magician for eight years. After a series of unfortunate magical mishaps, he landed a job at Boston Duck Tours.
Hi, My name is Mrs. Florence Waters I am a domestic engineer other wise known as a stay at home mom to seven children. The youngest started school this year and it was time for me to get a job. With such an extensive skill set such as lifeguard, teacher, chauffeur, cook, referee and nurse just to name a few along with my fabulous minivan driving I thought Boston Duck Tours would be great and I was right!