Major Tom Foolery
Major Tom Foolery's parents were carnival people, and he was born into the carnival life. While traveling through Boston, Major Tom had the pleasure of engaging the owner of Boston Duck Tours in a game of Three Card Monty. After winning 37 straight hands, Major Tom made our owner the ultimate bet: If our owner won the next hand, Major Tom would give him double his money back, and if Major Tom won, he would be hired on the spot, with no criminal background check. Major Tom won. So come to Boston Duck Tours and he will give you a tour of the city and maybe even play you a little Three Card Monty. And remember, if there wasn't a sucker born every minute, Major Tom would still be among the carny folk.
Vincent Van Duck
Artist of pirates and thieves...which is why you’ve probably never heard of Vincent Van Duck. Vincent answered an ad to paint ducks, figuring he’d make a couple of bucks. Little did he know they were actually DUKWs and he thought he was just plain out of luck. But with little money in his pants, he decided to give it half a chance. So, here he is, driving a DUCK, with more than just a little luck- he is, after all, Vincent Van Duck! See you on deck! Quack! Quack!
Back in Venice, Italy, Guido Gondolier drove gondola boats until he was fired because he ate too much and sank the boat. Guido then moved to Boston to be with his Mama and Papa in the North End. He loves working for Boston Duck Tours because driving a Duck on the Charles River reminds him so much of his life back in Venice.
Captain Super Swift
Captain Super Swift was a superhero who busted into the Boston superhero scene in the early '90s, using his super speed to catch criminals. After receiving contracts with all of the big fast food restaurants and getting all the free food he wanted, he began to gain some weight which hindered his speed. One day while he was trying to catch a raucous jet skier in the Charles River and could not catch up with him, ConDUCKtor Duck Pin rescued him from the river. Boston Duck Tours offered Super Swift a job as a ConDUCKtor in his own right until he loses some weight and regains his super speed.
Colonel Duct Tape
Colonel Duct Tape was encouraged by his friends and family to get a “real job”. He set out with his bride and 3 suitcases full of duct tape, headed south, and got a “real job” as a mechanic with Boston Duck Tours. Wow was he excited, until they gave him a set of tools, which he promptly threw into the Charles River. Colonel Duct Tape had a suitcase full of duct tape so he proceeded to duct tape fuel lines, brakes, flat tires, and mirrors. You name it, he taped it. The fellah in charge of the mechanics, Tony Bulfinch and his boys threw Colonel Duct Tape out on his ear and said, “You can be a ConDUCKtor!” Well what a thrill. He is a colonel now, and he leads duct tape patrols throughout the streets of Boston.
Bowling champion. Spawned from a prominent whaling family in the seaport town of Gloucester, Massachusetts, Duck Pin never acquired the skills of a great whaler. When he spotted a target whale in the distance he would cry out, "There she bowls!" Duck Pin arrived at Boston Duck Tours in 1999 as the esteemed three time Grand Champion of the Pro-Bowl-O-Rama. Total winnings: slim. After being falsely accused (he swears) of bowling without poetic license, he served 10 years in Leavenworth, 11 years at Twelveworth, and 5 and 10 at Woolworths. After a short stint as special consultant to Boston Duck Tour's bowling team, he was promoted to ConDUCKtor.
Jumpin' Jim was well known as the guy that used to paraglide off some of the tall buildings here in Boston. Unfortunately, his career came to an abrupt halt when he landed on the roof of a police cruiser on Boylston Street. Finding himself in the Suffolk Co. House of Corrections, he fashioned a parachute out of bed sheets and dental floss, jumped off the roof, landed in the Charles River, and was promptly picked up by a Duck. He has been hiding from the authorities at Boston Duck Tours ever since.
Johnny Baggadonitz (A.K.A. Johnny the Bag, JBD, Bags) is an entrepreneur, a purveyor of expensive gifts and a liberator of all things not nailed down. “If you need somethin’ – he’s got it! If he doesn’t have it – he’ll get it!” Johnny made his way to Duck Tours via the witness protection program. They were kind enough to give him a job driving a Duck. He’s got an offer you can’t refuse. He will drive you around the city, give you a little history, and send you on your way with stories you must NEVER REPEAT AGAIN!!! Just kiddin’, tell everybody! Just ask for Johnny Baggadonitz.
The Great Garabaldi
Prior to working at Boston Duck Tours, the Great Garabaldi was a professional magician for eight years. After a series of unfortunate magical mishaps, he landed a job at Boston Duck Tours.
It's been two years since I followed Tommy here (from my beautiful home in Savannah) on a wish and a prayer that one day we'd marry. But I'm not ready to ride out on a rail just yet. I've invested too much time to bail out now. With my clock chiming like the bells of St. Marks Campanile, it is time for Tommy to acknowledge the corn.
Captain Paul Reverse is here to take you through the streets of Boston! His story dates back to the days when Boston was at the center of the rebellion, the Revolutionary War. Yes, he too was out there, on April 18th 1775, with Paul Revere and his many comrades. That night, when the two lanterns went up in the Old North Church, Captain Paul Reverse became so excited he managed to mount his horse backwards and ride fast from town screaming, “The redcoats are going, the red coats are going!” Many, many years have passed, and although he wasn’t much of a messenger, he has become a great storyteller, tour guide and liaison to the beautiful old city of Boston. Come along and ride with him, you’ll have lots of fun!
William Tolbot Snobgrass III
“Tolley,” is a direct descendent of the first English-speaking people to settle what is now Boston, the Puritans. He is what is known as a “Boston Brahman,” like the Lowells and the Cabots. He lives on Beacon Hill, graduated from Harvard in ’69 and has been on a “Job Search” ever since. Scared of losing his allowance from “Mummy,” he signed on with Boston Duck Tours to show off the only thing he loves besides himself: Boston.
After working just about every job on the waterfront, it only made sense to add Mad Capt. to our staff. Often seen carrying a whale harpoon as a walking stick, he uses a lot of salty talk (some of it even in good context). Some suspect that this all may be a ploy, as Mad Capt. carries too much gold and silver for a mere fisherman. We’ve never seen any evidence of his allegedly sinister nature. Well, if we did, we ain’t sayin’.
PJ comes to us from our good friend Dr. Ima Quack. She dazzled our management team with her ability to walk, talk, drive and even entertain, all while experiencing frequent sleepy episodes. Quite frankly we were shocked she could sleep through such a tour!
Captain Foghorn belonged to an elite branch of the military... The US Navy Cavalry! This military unit had much promise but suffered from a terrible and unfortunate experiment. The experiment involved armor plating the horses used by the US Navy Cavalry, which affected the buoyancy of the horses. This is why Captain Foghorn has been transferred to Boston Duck Tours!
Tim Burr comes from a family of lumberjacks way up in Nova Scotia. How did he end up down here, you might be wondering? Well, a few years back, he and his family were chopping down a big old tree. He was just chopping away, when suddenly the tree started to fall. Somebody behind him yelled "TIIIMMMBEERR!" and he turned around, thinking, who is calling his name, eh? Well, a tree branch snagged his suspenders and pulled him right down a hill, and splash, into a river he went. The next thing he remembered is being pulled out of the Charles River by somebody aboard a DUCK. Ever since that day, he's been earning the money for a cab fare back up to see his mom in Nova Scotia. So come along, and let's be oot and aboot!
Paul from Revere
Revere is right above Boston.. geography-wise. It also has the oldest public beach in America. In Revere, they tan and they gamble. It's where the roast beef flows like wine. In Revere people like their Iroc Zs fast and their women's hairdos extremely high. One if by land! Two if by sea! On the opposite shore his Camaro would be. Don't confuse him with Paul Revere - he was a famous American Patriot. This is Paul from Revere; he just bet very poorly on the Patriots. He lost a bundle last January. To make up for gambling debts, he is giving tours on the DUCKs. Finally, he has a job where he can drive a company vehicle into the Charles River and not have to deal with the police afterwards.
Captain Hardly Davidson rides a scooter instead of a Harley. What is he doing here at Boston Duck Tours you ask? He’s hiding from a local scooter gang that he used to be a member of. The gang did way too many bake sales so he had to bounce. They haven’t found him yet, and that’s the way he’d like to keep it.
Undoubtedly the biggest card at Boston Duck Tours, the Joker is on deck to show you a one of a kind tour of Boston. Straight from the gambling tables of Las Vegas, he felt he should take a gamble and shuffled off to Beantown. Do you wear a suit to work? Don’t feel bad. The joker wears all 4! Truly a diamond in the rough, when you join The Jokers’ club, he will be in your hearts forever. Growing up with a pack of 52 others was not easy. The Jokers’ life was a flop, but he turned it around and here he is giving tours on the Charles River.
Sergeant Meatball is the platoon sergeant of the craziest bunch of misfits in the entire corps, A.K.A. MEATBALL'S MARAUDERS. Sgt. Meatball’s, commanding officer, Commander Swampscott seems to believe that Sgt. Meatball and his band of marauders are not fit for military life (one good look and you'll see why). With this in mind, Sgt. Meatball's commanding officer has re-assigned Meatball and his platoon to a small island outpost in the middle of Pineapple Bay, called Coconut Island. While on the island, Meatball and the marauders train for amphibious landings while raiding luaus.
Dirty Waters used to be a Blues Musician until he lost most of his band in an unfortunate gardening accident. He relocated to Boston to write some new sad songs, but found it hard to be inspired – this city’s just too beautiful! Now he’s just singing and driving his way through Beantown, looking for new band members, and still finding it impossible to get the Blues.
MacInQuack’ s Scottish ancestors invented the game of golf and his parents were great golfers. MacInQuack just had to play golf. Unfortunately he was a horrible driver. One time he drove the ball into a tree, it bounced back and hit him in the head knocking him unconscious. When he finally woke up in the hospital his parents told him he better learn how to Drive the ball and to Duck! When MacInQuack finally came to his senses (this is questionable) he thought they said he better learn how to DRIVE a DUCK! So here he is loving beautiful Boston driving for Boston Duck Tours!
Alan gator is Florida’s worst gator wrestler. While he was there, he wrestled his largest gator of a whole 12 inches and he lost, so he moved to Boston where the gators may be slower due to cold weather. He ain't seen one yet but he knows they're out there. When he finds one he will try to win and get his "rep" back.
Bogey sparks here, the original Nantucktian scratch golfer, my friends call me Swizzle Divet! Blown from the island into the Charles River during a tornado! Nearly dead floating down the Charles, I saw a DUKW putting on by so I linked my club to it's tail and we drove to shore! I've been hooked ever since!
Hi, My name is Mrs. Florence Waters I am a domestic engineer other wise known as a stay at home mom to seven children. The youngest started school this year and it was time for me to get a job. With such an extensive skill set such as lifeguard, teacher, chauffeur, cook, referee and nurse just to name a few along with my fabulous minivan driving I thought Boston Duck Tours would be great and I was right!
Professor Quackenstein is an academic, scholar, historian and mad scientist. When not giving tours he serves as lead investigator at Boston Duck Tours laboratories where he conducts important research in the fields of time travel, alchemy and discount brain surgery.
Mallard Storm comes from a long line of weathermen, each one less accurate than the last. After finally getting his big break forecasting in Boston, the network asked Mallard to take some time off when he couldn’t find Boston on the map, mixed up east, west, left and right, and predicted the weather wrong during many consecutive broadcasts. Now, Boston Duck Tours is letting Mallard figure out the city, one wrong turn at a time, until he is able to break through the clouds and find a clear path back to the news desk.
Ally-Oops knew her entire life she was destined to be a referee. Her mom was always putting her in time-out and when she grew up, she traveled to Boston to attend the top referee academy in the nation, the Harvard School of Officiating Arts. It was the best 11 years of her life, but the only problem was she couldn't decide what sport to major in…..so she learned all the rules. After graduation she was wicked excited for her first job...there she was on the sidelines, huge crowd, play was coming her way....."SAFE!" And then she realized it was a basketball game...oops! The crowd started yelling, throwing things, and chased her out of the building, into the street and onto a duck. When she got back to the duck stop she saw there were too many men on the field and has been hiding out at Boston Duck Tours ever since.
Ace Bandage was the 19,500th round draft pick of the New England Patriots. Sidelined this season after being hit by a falling Gatorade bucket, Ace is currently recuperating with us at Boston Duck Tours. Help Ace get back into shape for the big game as he takes you on an adventure through Boston.
Capt. Ray Beez
If you hear someone barking it must be Ray Beez. While trying to quit smoking this former animal control officer got hypnotized and now thinks he’s a dog. After numerous complaints of our Ducks running wild through the streets of Boston, Boston Duck Tours realized Ray Beez was the man for the job. So now when you visit our Duck Stops you’ll find our Ducks all neatly lined in a row and you can hear Capt. Ray Beez barking his way through the streets of Boston.
Captain Mack come to Boston Duck Tours after 27 years of driving a tractor trailer (Mack, of course!) through the streets of Boston. Every day he saw how much fun the DUCK drivers were having, so one day he decided to "jump truck." He's been having a grand old time ever since and hopes you'll hop on board his DUCK so he can tell you all about his favorite city!
Danny Disco spent the last 35 years on the west coast. When he came back to Boston to visit family he discovered Disco had disappeared from the area. Danny knew at that moment he had to open a new Disco Club in the city of Boston. Danny disco watched as the Boston Duck Tours machines rolled by and realized this would be a great way to see where the new hot spots in the city were today.
Eddie Airtime is the lead singer of the preeminent Freudian Glockenspiel Hair Metal band, "The Evil Gazebos. The band is on hiatus and taking a break from the North American leg of their tour, so Eddie is doing a cross-promotional series of events for BDT. Frankly, the band is broke--it was a poor choice to release the third album on 8-Track.
Jason the Argonaut
Jason led the greatest crew of sailors on an epic quest to find the Golden Fleece to exchange for the King's daughter's hand in marriage. Upon his return, she no longer wanted to marry him. Heartbroken, he set sail but was injured during a violent storm at sea. He awoke 3000 years later in the Athens of America, on the banks of the Charles River. Here is where he saw his first DUKW, which closely resembled his ancient galleon (two rowers side by side, on each side of the duck). Boston Duck Tours agreed to sponsor his next adventure if he got a crew willing to go along with him. He is interviewing crew presently while giving tours.
Frim 'DucKarma' Jolly: Boston's Good Time Guru
Frim Jolly is a semi-mystical man from the East (actually the Northeastern United States). He has a mastery of celebratory endeavors and a deep, spiritual oneness with Boston. His path is to share his embarrassing wealth of knowledge in the Field of Fun with others. His Animal Spirit Guide, a duck, led him to Boston Duck Tours. Here Frim embraces the philosophy that life is not a destination: It is a journey through the streets and history of Boston ending in a truly enlightening splash in the Charles River. Share in Frim’s fulfillment of his calling by joining him for his 80-minute-long strange trips. "The Duck Walks and Stands Tall" – Bill Walton
Josiah P. Canvasback, The Last Minute Man
Josiah P. Canvasback, The Last Minute Man was born in 1763. He descends from the original Canvasback family that swam along side Mayflower in 1620. Preferring to stay by the shore, the family settled in Medford, Massachusetts by the banks of the Mystic river. It is possible that the Canvasbacks are related to the Van Winkles, because in 1775 Josiah overslept while staying at Captain Isaac Hall's home, missing the American Revolution entirely, in fact he missed the ensuing 200 years! He was adopted by a nice Italian, German, Scots-Irish family who raised and educated him. Because of his affinity for history (and the water) he is biding his time here at Boston Duck Tours until the next British Invasion!
Tug Boat comes from a long line of boaters, his sister Sail Boat and his brother, Fish Boat. He has worked every harbor East of he Mississippi River, docking and sailing ships. Unfortunately Tug would follow the ships out to sea so they sent him to the Charles River to dock ships. When he got here he realized there were no ships to dock but saw the DUCKs floating by. Tug asked if we needed help docking DUCKs and we obliged.
Will shows quite a few similarities with his great, great, great, great, great grand cousin. Born on a farm called Stratford in a tiny hamlet called Avon, Massachusetts, he graduated with a B.A. in English from Bards Online College. Embracing his iconic namesake, Will launched into a playwriting career using Boston’s history as inspiration. His works include such titles as “A Midsummers Night's Ride of Paul Revere” and “Much Ado About Taxes.” As ConDUCKtor, he continues to escort fair ladies and goodly gentlemen about his city looking for the next big iambic pentameter moment.
Plucky Ruffles comes from a long, proud line of cruise ship entertainers. While most people who have seen Plucky perform wonder why he ever got into showbiz, Plucky claims that nautical entertainment is his destiny. “The first of the Ruffles clan to settle in the new world was an uncle of mine who had a gig as the lounge act on the Mayflower,” boasts Plucky. “His name was Samuel ‘Silly Sammy’ Ruffles, and he killed, literally. See, the Puritans thought his act was so bad, they threw fruit at Sammy to make him stop,” Plucky explains. “But hey – I guess the joke was all on them when they got scurvy! Zing!” But seriously, folks... Plucky Ruffles is thrilled to have found a home with Boston Duck Tours and looks forward to entertaining guests of all ages while driving a WWII amphibious vehicle that is newer than his jokes.
Jigsaw traveled the world assembling a 3-dimensional, full size puzzle of the earth! Near the end he realized what many had suspected - that he was one piece short of a full puzzle… and that piece was Boston. (Bit of an odd DUCK. While some hunger for world peace, he dreams of world pieces.) So come and help him search water & land of this wonderful city as he completes the big picture. “Putting the ‘Shapes’ back in Shipshape” – Jigsaw
M.C. History is a world Famous rapper/producer extraordinaire. He can’t make any money because kids keep illegally downloading his music for free. What better job can a brother who loves history have than to ride around the great city he grew up in, Beantown, a.k.a. Boston, in a DUCK with great people from all over the world.
Howdy Folks! Welcome to the Wild, Wild East! Y'all might be wonderin' what a cowgirl like me is doing here in the big city. Well, after many years of driving cattle, I followed my wandering soul to drive this here steel horse through the untamed frontiers of Boston. So saddle up, grab the reins, and hold on to your hats as I take you on a trail ride through Beantown's pioneering history. Giddy-up!!!
Major Groovy is a blast from the past right out of the 60s, cool, hip, with it, far out, out-a-sight and in this orbit most of the time. A trip with Major Groovy is a gas, as you dig Boston history and happenings, while you skip on down the cobblestones, lookin’ for fun and feelin’ groovy. Feel the vibes with Major Groovy and you’ll “feel the love,” ducky wucky love, that is.
You my friends, can call me "Da Codfather." I was born and raised in Boston's North End. I come from a long line of fisherman. One early morning, on my way to the boat, I accidentally got on on the wrong one!!! I got on a Boston Duck Tour Boat!! After riding around for a while, "they made me an offer I couldn't refuse."
Sully Mikestand is the "official roadie" for the Boston Duck Tours. When his foray into the rock and roll world fizzled, his mother gave him the ultimatum of having to either get a job or move out of the basement. To collect his thoughts and plan his next move, Sully went to a local club to catch a concert where he met duck driver Dirty Waters who offered Sully a job with a "crew that goes on the road all the time." Thinking that Dirty was a legendary bluesman, Sully jumped at the opportunity. So, until he gets the call from the rock world, join Sully's crew as he takes you on the road.
Jersey Shoreline dreams of making it big as a Reality TV Star, She's been on several, but the problem is, nobody's ever heard of any of them. She has the loving support of her mother who tries telling her that she can't sing, dance or act. But that's what makes her PERFECT for Reality Television! She heard of a new show that's taping here in Boston. It's about a group of Puritans that get picked to live in a Log Cabin and have their lives taped...It's called the New Real World. But one of the requirements is that she learn about Boston history in order to audition. And that's what brings her to Boston Duck Tours! What could be a more fun way to see the city and learn how it came to be?
Captain "Blackeye Mac" was a notorious pirate off the coast of Boston, till one evening while fetching himself a cup of tea in the galley, a giant rouge wave slapped the side of his ship sending him head over tea cups and gave him his black eye and a complete change of heart. He no longer wanted to be a pirate. His crew asked him to leave, he did. He swam ashore and found BDT, they promised him a new ship and a new crew. The pacifist pirate is pleased with his new line of work!
Tour Route Tommy
Tour Route Tommy has never travelled to “distant destinations.” He’s never been to London, New York, Harvard Square, or Fenway Park. His birthplace, schools, and current address are right on the tour route. His family and friends are sick of his limited conversation, so he’s thrilled to be at Boston Duck Tours where at least total strangers are willing to listen to him for about an hour. So come splash into the Charles with Tour Route Tommy. He won’t steer you wrong! (Please don’t point to anything more than 50 yards off the tour route. He becomes nervous.)
When world-renowned and extremely handsome dinner theater actor, Drake Mallard', ended up in the Charles River, after an incident on his friend’s yacht, he had to swim for land. Exhausted, he crawled ashore on one of the Finger Islands. Luckily, a Boston Duck Tours ConDUCKtor spotted him "washed up," and gave him a ride back to the dock. When he learned that 600,000 people take Boston Duck Tours each year, he realized this might be the perfect stage for him. He contacted BDT, and accepted a supporting role, with the City of Boston as the star of his show.
Skipper the Skydiver
This avid skydiver and stuntman had planned to land on the top of the Prudential Building, but was blown off course and over the Charles River. That’s where he landed on the roof of a Boston Duck Tours amphibious vehicle, causing considerable damage. Skipper has agreed to work for Boston Duck Tours until he can pay for repairs. This skydiving mishap occurred earlier today, but he’s ready to give his first tour. You will be amazed at how much he has learned about Boston is just a couple of hours.
Almost Educated Aaron
Almost Educated Aaron loves school so much he has attended most of them, 359 to be exact. Yet he never obtained a single college credit, and has 11 million 4 hundred and 88 thousand dollars of student loans. Thankfully the only class he ever passed was the Boston Duck Tour history class. Come see what he learned and maybe he attended you school!
Old QuackDonald - a.k.a - 'Very Old' QuackDonald. I’m a Potato farmer from the State of Maine. I’ve been known not to be your average tour guide, but a great common-tater. My Favorite quote: “I think” said the sweet potato, ”therefore I yam”.